I have hit, I think, something approaching the bottom. I have lost almost all confidence in my work and my overall project. People ask “what is your thesis about?” and I despair at ever providing a succinct summary. What are my objects of study? So far, mostly stupid, relatively inconsequential things: some blogs and the way they kind of found and discovered one another; a fairly novel and amusing comment thread that I am banking on demonstrating some abstract point about the role of nonhumans (literally anything except a person) in discourses of responsibility; and two case studies of activist tactics/tropes, one a group of people who flarf on facebook, the other tumblrs by feminists poking fun of men in fedora hats. Everything else that I have looked at or worked on or tried to document pretty much fails the “so what?” test.
So thats it, that’s my thesis (unless I think of something miraculous to discuss). No real “fieldwork”, most of my interviews tended to tell me very little of importance or that anyone else would care about (much as I care about them, and the people who said them incredibly dearly), certainly no really important topic, just a bunch of reading and theory and possible connections. Somehow I have to pull that together (by late July-ish) so that it tells a coherent story.
There was a period where I thought I was going to actually solve some kind of problem, but right now I’m not even convinced that my description of the problem itself is either a) correct, b) solveable, or c) even in need of solving.
I am very demoralised right now. What the fuck am I doing?